Hi,

I am Christian, divorced and have children with my first husband. The children live with my ex-husband, I see the children regularly and love them to bits.

I remarried four years ago and my second husband is Muslim. We have tried for children, but it hasn't happened and I have now been told that I am effectively infertile due to age. I have accepted this, but I already have children. My husband is devastated.

We live in Europe and visit his family in the Middle East regularly where they have been anxiously awaiting news that I am pregnant. Now that he has told them that I am infertile, they are encouraging him to look for a second wife in his home country, suggesting that she (and her future children) could stay in our family home, while we lived in Europe.

My husband is horrified at their suggestion and keeps reassuring me that he would not even consider it. But here's the thing. In principle I'm not opposed. I love my husband very much, and I know how much having a child means to him and I have no insecurities in our relationship. I also love children and would love to be part of his future childrens' lives. But I feel it would be unfair on a future wife to have a husband who only wanted her for her womb, and who would be left to raise a child primarily as a single parent (albeit with a lot of family support) and a husband who was already married to another woman.

Concurrent wives are not part of my culture, although I have a number of friends who have two different families as products of divorce, and with goodwill all round, it can all work out to the good, so I guess I'm seeing this in the same way. But I'd really appreciate some input from people (especially women) who understand muslim culture/marriages to see if it can work out well or if a second marriage would just be a disaster waiting to happen.

Is it something that we should discuss further or is it a bad idea that we should just tactfully persuade his family to drop?