As salam o laykum, to whom it may concern:

I'm a young Muslim finding it difficult to believe in Allah. Sometimes the concept of Allah is too overwhelming for me, sometimes I see things from the point of view of those who don't believe at all, and end up believing what they believe.. sometimes I try to understand HOW he exists and get the feeling that he's not there, sometimes I think about angels and jinns and end up not believing in ANY of the Islamic revelation simply because I can't see or hear or touch them, sometimes I literally ask Allah for help then end up not believing because, obviously, He won't respond in any way at that particular moment (which is completely ridiculous but it nevertheless happens anyway!)... And all these times I remind myself of the Qur'an, of the science and morality and goodness and happiness and pursuit of knowledge it instilled into the Muslims, but I end up becoming depressed and I've been crying a lot, and it's unusual for me because I'm a young male. I often find that this 'disbelief' occurs when I'm overwhelmed by schoolwork and/or other issues..

Sometimes I wonder if it's difficult for me to believe in Allah because He's testing me, or if I've done something wrong and I'm being punished or something of the sort...

Then I read stories of early Muslims, who were so instantly touched by Muhammad (pbuh) and the Qur'an that they were able to convert their hatred into faith in a moment. How is this possible? Am I missing out on reading the Qur'an (as I can't write, read or speak Arabic and know very minimal Arabic, though I do live in an Arabic region)? What's wrong with me? Is it because I ponder and think too much about things and about Allah, is that why I can't believe in Him sometimes?

My parents tell me that I just think too much and they tell me they have no difficulty in believing in Allah. I'm scared of telling them of my problems because I've been telling them for the past few months, and my father says that there is 'blind faith' involved, while my mother says that if I don't believe then I'm not a Muslim, and they've said other things but haven't helped much. Only a few months ago did I become devout and loyal to Allah, as a result of a terrible affliction that dawned upon me recently and hasn't gone away yet (which is too inappropriate to talk about), and ever since that affliction 'plagued' me and my parents I'm confident in saying that I have been a loyal servant of Allah the Exalted....

But also, ever since I've become a loyal servant to Allah, I've had this terrible 'disbelief' that comes to me now and then. Sometimes it goes away, sometimes it comes back, and I've noticed that it comes back whenever I'm depressed or overwhelmed with problems (such as schoolwork, as mentioned above)...

Please, whoever you are, may you help me as much as you possibly can? I wonder if it's just because of my age, perhaps this is the reason why I find myself feeling sick and sad when I think of Allah, because any moment my mind might say 'how can He possibly exist?' Every time I pray (and I pray five times a day), I ask Allah to help me, to help me believe and to remove the disbelief and lack of logic from me, but maybe I am doing something wrong myself and Allah wants me to correct it? I don't know!

And sometimes I think that I don't believe, but I actually am believing, then I get confused, and it makes my mind a mess..I know it sounds paranoid and silly but maybe silly things are bound to pop up in an adolescent mind. Am I doing something wrong? Am I supposed to learn Arabic and read the Qur'an the way the people way back did (but I can't, with all the duties I have as a high school student now, how am I ever to do such a thing??? I always feel as if Allah might be angry with me because I'm not learning Arabic, and it drives me nuts, but what about the momineen, the believers in general (and not neccessarily a 'Muslim', who can just..believe??
My Situation Is The Same.

Thank you very much. As salam o laykum.