Salaam Brothers and Sisters,


First, I would like to thank you all for taking the time to understand my trouble and offering advice on how to help. Secondly, I would like to add that this is a serious issue for me, and it is one that causes me great shame and disgust. Third, I would like to say that I take full responsibility for me actions, and know that I am committing a great sin, which is why I am seriously seeking help and advice.

I am a young Muslim man living in a small city for the purpose of work and school. I am very isolated, having very few friends here, which has a very small muslim population to boot. Unfortunately, on many different occasions, I have given into the naffs and have been frequently been using my isolated free time to watch pornography, masturbate frequently, and have even hired several escorts and engaged in sexual activity. As I have mentioned before I say this with complete disgust and revulsion at myself. The worst part is after the sin has been committed and the reality starts to sink in, about what I have done to my soul. All this has taken a great toll on my mind. To make matters worse, I seek forgiveness and offer sincere Tawbah prayer, only to do it again a few days or weeks later.

I frequently pray for Allah SWT to put somebody in my life, however it is clear that the All-Mighty has deemed that now is not the right time for me. However, in the meantime stopping what I have been doing seems impossible. I do not know what to do... I feel trapped and hopeless. Worse, my Imaan is slipping, as I have been praying for someone for years and always find myself in the same situation, isolated and alone. The isolation causes my mind to wonder to the nafs, which I always give into. I can say that this is a question that goes beyond mental discipline. Everybody has basic human needs, and the need for comfort and affection is one of them. When one has been impoverished in this regard, they will seek to fulfil this need in unlawful ways.

I ask the Brothers and Sisters on this forum to please not judge me for my actions, for I am already severely at odds with myself. I also ask that you please do not offer the cliche advice such as: Have a marriage be arranged for you, or do other things in your free time, as I have been reading this advice for months now. Rather, I ask that the community can offer me a higher level of tawbah and other du'a to save my soul and my mind for what I have been frequently doing. Also, I ask for some ways in which a brother can re-channel his energy away from the nafs and into something more productive. Finally, I ask for any major prayer or Du'a that can possibly increase the urgency for allah to put somebody in my life.

This is a burden that I would sincerely like to put to end once and for all. I thank you again, for taking the time to read and understand my situation.

Peace and Blessings be upon you all