So I was born Muslim, but I was your typical Muslim by name growing up, only until I was around 18 that I slowly started to become more aware of Allah, and learn a bit more about Islam, and just became more serious about following Islam correctly, and maybe have true belief then. It's been almost 3 years since I would say I have turned to Allah, before that I was just completely lost, no care.

In these 3 years, I've learnt a good bit of history, basics, etc... of Islam, learned meanings of Surahs, learned more Surahs, listened to lots of lectures, and just becoming always aware of Allah.

BUT, I just cannot kick the habit of smoking Marijuana. I never knew it was haram like alcohol before practicing Islam, so I didn't see anything wrong with it and just did it with friends. At that point I was in love with weed for nearly 2 years, not knowing it was wrong. Then I learned it was haram, so ever since I have been working on it but man I just hate how over these 3 years, despite all of my increase in knowledge of Islam and the way we need to live our lives, I just cannot stop smoking weed.

I KNOW IT IS WRONG, I KNOW ALLAH IS WATCHING ME, AND YET I STILL DO ITimsadimsadimsad I make excuses, this is the last time, etc....

It's like a never ending cycle, I will go anywhere from a few days to a couple months not smoking weed, and then it just gets soo tough that it's all that is on my mind and then I go back and so on and so forth.

And then when I do smoke weed, that requires money and I have stolen from my parents as well here and there for money at times.

When I just seriously think of what I am doing it's just such a depressing hopeless feeling, where I feel like I defiantly disobeyed Allah, knowing it was wrong, and just still did it.

If I never had this fitna, I seriously would have none, other than laziness, this however is ruining my life and I want to stop, I want to not want to smoke, but when I stop for a little while, the urges just get stronger and stronger as time goes by and I do it again, despite remembering it is haram.

I just hate my actions, and in the end I don't care about this dunya, I just want peace. Wallahi. I don't want pain. I don't want the punishment of the grave. I don't want a hard day on the day of judgement. I just want Jannah.

Why does this test have to be so hard:hmm::hmm::hmm: