I am posting this again because first time there were some problems creating the Thread :
So hello guys I am a arab guy who lives in the western world. I am finding it really unfair how Allah treats me, although I love Allah more than anything. My life is a mess. When I wasnt even born yet the bad news started. The doctors told my mother that my head is very big. My Mother and Father divorced when I was 1 year old. Well life was easy back then somehow but after I grew a bit (5 years old) my Mother and my Stepfather always hit me and my Stepfather treated my unfair although he wasnt all the time bad but most of the time. When I first visited scool all my class members hated me, one guy said to me : "As soon as you go away I am gonna threw a party and invite all class members". Around 7 years old we moved to elsewhere and since then EVERY WEEK something bad happend where I got involved in, in the Family. Well we moved once again, once again at my new Scool people started to hate me, I still not understand what I did wrong I had no friends at all and I wasnt even permitted to go out I had to go to School and come back home. All this left inside me something dark and from time to time it started to grow. Imagine having no one to speak to at all and sitting all the day at home and get hit by anyone . I was always asking myself what I did so that Allah allows all this to happen to me. When I was 12 Years old I again changed School, and they hated me once again, so much that I started to hit my classmates, so the scoolleader decided to fire me from Scool and so people started to think I am crazy so for a half year I had to go into a psychiatric hospital, then I again had to signup for another scool that is one level more bad and I had to repeat the whole year, people started to hate my again, I got involved in fights and got hit many times by my classmates they made fun of me, how I look, and they made fun of me that my mother wouldnt permit to go out with anyone. I was only 13 Years old, and once again I got fired again from scool, and got involved with the police (long story). My father didnt really care about me he wasnt interested. When I got home from Scool there where fighrs and arguments all the time I couldnt really concentrate on Scool and so my marks went down. Now I am 17 and about to suicide, I am trying to please allah but I cant, there was a Girl which loved me but I told her that I cant be with her cuz I would gain the anger of Allah and yeah. So I split up with her for the sake of Allah, anyway my Life didnt got any better, everything is going bad. I look so ugly, I have a really big head and big noise which doesnt fit to the rest of my body, girls tell me they would rather choose someone who is fat and ugly than choosing me. I basically have no hobbys at all whatever I touch breaks and whatever I do fails. I feel like Allah has cursed me for something or I dont know, I got continous waswasa on me a raqi once told me that I am possesed by a Jinn so basically the Shaytan is acompanying me all the time and leading me to utter bad things and to.act bad I m completly done with my life I m waiting to ger 18 so I can go somewhere far away and kill my self, I got no one to tell my problems I have no friends I just sit at home and live in excessive fear