I had a mental breakdown earlier and started saying statements of kufr like why Is Allah doing this to me. Or why do I deserve this? I'm nice to people yet my life is going miserable. At the moment of weakness I felt like my life was a joke. I'm here trying to be good and religous in my young while most men my age are enjoying their life. I'm angry that my life is nothing but struggles and pain. I'm trying to please allah and know I'm upset that all the hardworking I did I threw it away because I got upset. Everyone who humiliated me have their life's easy. I get really kufr thoughts like Allah is not merciful or allah is not just. He is just to everyone except you. I'm sick of all of this nonsense and not seeing any result of my efforts. How much more can I bear this? I know this life is nothing but a test but does that mean I can not have the thing I want the most? Why do I feel like Allah is angry at me...I'm losing my mind because I want to get married and have a family. Some people in mosque are interested in for their daughters, yet my family do not like them. I'm to the one point where I'm so desperate i will literally marry anyone. My family are making me delay...on top of that some girls hit on me in school despite me being shy and quiet. What is the point of all this? If I'm a good looking what is the point of it If I cant get married. Why should I bother looking good? I'm just sick of life. I honestly am so confused