I'm have been suppressing my anger for some time. But know I had enough. As I said my mosque is not a good place for me anymore. Going to jummah alone today was painful. Either I really am going crazy and losing my iman or the fitnah in the mosque is real. Among the people who used me was the imam himself. This was someone who I looked up to. At first when me and my black revert friend brought up the issue of racism to him, he sort of brushed it aside and said we were being sensitive. Then I heard from the afgani brothers that even they feel secluded and resented by the arabs in the mosque. Today in jummah I couldn't concentrate because the imam himself denied actions of racism and is covering his own people up and on top of that he uses me whenever. He made me out to be a glorified babysitter for his kids and doesnt let me study. I'm studying for my exams and he tells me there are plenty of time to study and to watch the kids.

I respected this guy and loved him sincerly for the sake of allah but the fact that he didnt once respect me or thank me for the taxing thing I did for him. It was so hard yet I still did for the sake of allah and to be a good muslim. Yet he doesnt appreciate me or me even respect me. He trusts me with his things because he knows everyone else is not honest and are liars. He only addresses issues that concern him. My family wants to go this mosque because it's the biggest. So I'm stuck but sadly I no longer have the love for the mosque and may not be shaded under the throne of allah anymore.

I was so angry that when another brother said salaam to me, I couldn't say salaam back. I feel guilty but also partly because these very same people lie and use me. I feel like there is something wrong with me when I would rather be friends with a nonmuslim because if they try to harm me , I can see it coming. These Muslim "brothers" smile and say salaam and stab you in the back. Honestly I never felt such hatred and anger and I fear I may lose control